Friday's Five, done on a Saturday night
1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have? God, there are hundreds of things... been in an orgy, taken really good psychedellic drugs, been more risk taking, I guess.
2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest? No, it depends how much I hate it, but also how much use my comment will be. If you've cut your hair really really short and it looks a million times better long, what is the point of me saying that? If you ask me before hand, what do you think, should I cut it all off, I will definitely give an honest opinion. Ditto clothes. Are we in the store or already at the wedding?
3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened? An internet friend once told me, and another guy, a whole tissue of lies. It surprised me how shocked I was, I mean the internet is all about masks, but aside from anonymity, I am totally honest, and we had known each other for about 6 months, chatting daily. She told all of us she was 21 and it turned out she was 35 with 3 kids. Surprising for me, but devestating for the guy who was thinking of changing continents to be with her!
4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why? Hundreds of them and all of them involve magic. I would live in George RR Martin's Fire and Ice world, I would live in the Liaden world (tomorrow, please) I would live in Ursula Le Guin's Wizard of Earthsea world. I think you are seeing the trend here. Actually I think I resent that I can't live in those worlds!
5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted? Aside from super-hero skills? I want to read minds, I want to sing, I want to be psychic generally, I want to time travel, I want to be fearless :)
Friday, June 13, 2003
Musings on Marriage
There's been a lot of press lately about Hilary Clinton and her marriage. Especially what sort of role model she is for women. I always resent the role model line, myself. Hey, we are just living our lives, trying to muddle through as best we can, don't lump a role model agenda on us. But that is another story. The one I want to tell is about marriages.
I don't think any one ever knows what goes on inside someone's marriage, but I do think we make agreements. And sometimes the agreements are not about sexual fidelity, but about loyalty. So the idea goes, you sleep with others, but you are loyal to me. You don't humiliate me, we give each other support and clarity in public. Why I agree to this is up to me: maybe I don't like sex, maybe I don't like sex as much as you do. Maybe too may opportunities present themselves to you (I never forget the story of Jimmy Morrison, who was in the lift with his wife, and a girl walks in, and in front of the wife, offers to give him a blow job.) So I think the Clintons had an agreement, which he broke, not when he had the affair/s but when he publically humilated her.
And why did she stay on? Well, who knows. Maybe she wanted to punish him, but maybe she had been with him so long, and their lives were so entwined, that she couldn't really bear to see her life a part from his. She wanted the future she had mapped out with him. She wanted to be Senator. And a divorce wouldn't have given her what she wanted. Maybe they are still friends. Maybe they bounce off each other intellectually and not physcially. Maybe she'll never get another man as charming and charismatic (his charm and charisma don't actually work on me, but I can see that it works on others.) Maybe he was sufficiently humiliated at the same time she was, so she could call it quits. Either way, I don't think they have a bad marriage, I think they have a partnership, which has weathered great difficulties but still appears to function. Maybe their marriage is stronger than mine....
There's been a lot of press lately about Hilary Clinton and her marriage. Especially what sort of role model she is for women. I always resent the role model line, myself. Hey, we are just living our lives, trying to muddle through as best we can, don't lump a role model agenda on us. But that is another story. The one I want to tell is about marriages.
I don't think any one ever knows what goes on inside someone's marriage, but I do think we make agreements. And sometimes the agreements are not about sexual fidelity, but about loyalty. So the idea goes, you sleep with others, but you are loyal to me. You don't humiliate me, we give each other support and clarity in public. Why I agree to this is up to me: maybe I don't like sex, maybe I don't like sex as much as you do. Maybe too may opportunities present themselves to you (I never forget the story of Jimmy Morrison, who was in the lift with his wife, and a girl walks in, and in front of the wife, offers to give him a blow job.) So I think the Clintons had an agreement, which he broke, not when he had the affair/s but when he publically humilated her.
And why did she stay on? Well, who knows. Maybe she wanted to punish him, but maybe she had been with him so long, and their lives were so entwined, that she couldn't really bear to see her life a part from his. She wanted the future she had mapped out with him. She wanted to be Senator. And a divorce wouldn't have given her what she wanted. Maybe they are still friends. Maybe they bounce off each other intellectually and not physcially. Maybe she'll never get another man as charming and charismatic (his charm and charisma don't actually work on me, but I can see that it works on others.) Maybe he was sufficiently humiliated at the same time she was, so she could call it quits. Either way, I don't think they have a bad marriage, I think they have a partnership, which has weathered great difficulties but still appears to function. Maybe their marriage is stronger than mine....
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