Weird Mood
I'm feeling good about my life. My weight and eating are a constant issue, but work feels productive and sufficiently challenging. BJ is a sweet little boy and we are normally quite good together. I love the loft in NY and the life in NY. What's not good?
I was invited to go to yoga with a lovely group of women today and totally set it up so I couldn't go. I like yoga, I like the women, I feel like this is the sort of thing I would so like to have, a group of friends to do good things with, but part of me, some how would rather not, and today that part won. Like there is a contstant battle between doing good for myself and doing nothing/bad for myself and sometimes the good part wins and sometimes the bad side does. Rambling here but I know what I mean...
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
Did lots of shopping for bj, as the cold snap caught us out, and he was lacking a layer of warmth. Also bought a blow up bed so he has somewhere to sleep when guests come and take over his room.
Work has been tricky. One of the men's group fell through and I agreed to have another shot at working with the women, but you know... I find them really hard work. Had another difficult group with the girls, I find them so depressing. I was thinking how the men at least have energy, and that men, traditionally, go into anger/outward energy and women, traditionally, go into depression/inward energy and that feels so true. I find it much easier to engage and think with the men than I do with the women. There are also far fewer of them which means that there are fewer group dynamics. But also, there was one person with a bit of insight and the rest sat silent. There are probably proportionately the same amount of people with insight in the men's group, but if there are twenty people in the room it means four of them are talking sense, and that is enough to make the group start to work.
The house is cold. I'm going to have to turn on the heating. We had good news in that we may be able to stay on an extra six months here. H's boss is thinking of extending his time here which means we could stay longer. I am really hoping they do. It just feels too soon to leave. I am so enjoying the lifestyle here and don't want to go. Still feeling ambivalent about the in-laws coming to stay. Had to restrain myself from writing a nasty email about it to friends. Just thought to myself, never put anything in writing, you never know when it will come back to haunt you... thank God for anonymous blogs.
Remind me to talk about religion one day. It's funny how certain themes start to follow you and now everywhere I the topic somehow meanders towards religion, whereas months have gone by in the past without any discussion of it. Funny how that synchronicty happens.
Work has been tricky. One of the men's group fell through and I agreed to have another shot at working with the women, but you know... I find them really hard work. Had another difficult group with the girls, I find them so depressing. I was thinking how the men at least have energy, and that men, traditionally, go into anger/outward energy and women, traditionally, go into depression/inward energy and that feels so true. I find it much easier to engage and think with the men than I do with the women. There are also far fewer of them which means that there are fewer group dynamics. But also, there was one person with a bit of insight and the rest sat silent. There are probably proportionately the same amount of people with insight in the men's group, but if there are twenty people in the room it means four of them are talking sense, and that is enough to make the group start to work.
The house is cold. I'm going to have to turn on the heating. We had good news in that we may be able to stay on an extra six months here. H's boss is thinking of extending his time here which means we could stay longer. I am really hoping they do. It just feels too soon to leave. I am so enjoying the lifestyle here and don't want to go. Still feeling ambivalent about the in-laws coming to stay. Had to restrain myself from writing a nasty email about it to friends. Just thought to myself, never put anything in writing, you never know when it will come back to haunt you... thank God for anonymous blogs.
Remind me to talk about religion one day. It's funny how certain themes start to follow you and now everywhere I the topic somehow meanders towards religion, whereas months have gone by in the past without any discussion of it. Funny how that synchronicty happens.
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Hello,
I'm back...
I had a confession to make, which I've actually already made, but the computer ate it. Hate how my blogs are disappearing before I manage to post them, but that is another topic. I guess I'll just have to confess once more. I've been back for a week. My younger sister was with me in NY but that is not what prevented me from blogging. The truth is that I have discovered a new addiction, and neither teasing, housework or even physical pain will stop me. I play this internet game called bookworm. In the beginning I was happy to get to 200,000 before crashing out, but now I'm up to 4,302,140 and going. I can't seem to stop even when I want to. It's getting boring, my back aches, and still I play. It is a true addiction. But I am fighting it and with the help of friends and family I am sure that I can regain my self respect and start over (then again, I might make it to 5 million. Five million, who can resist trying??) The game is a mixture of scrabble and crosswords and just suits my skills. I can become a professional bookwormer. I wonder what that would pay. Would anyone pay me to play it? Sigh... reality will come soon enough but in the meantime I am barely cooking and only occassionally doing the wash. H feels neglected but the points are racking up there.
Onto other trivialities. Star Trek Voyager is no longer screening on my TV and I'm not sure why, but I wish the programmers would get their act together. And thinking about TV, I read this classy magazine called Interview, where celebs interview each other (and basically show why they are celebs and not journalists, because they don't listen to each other!) but camilla paglia, who is an interesting person in hew own right, not that I ever agree with her, but she's fun to disagree with, well she interviews an old favourite of mine from Knot's Landing.
Anyone here ever watch it? I have this strange relationship with it and I think I am the only person in Australia to ever see it. It used to screen at 11 pm on a Saturday night, obviously the crowd pleasing time! But when I was 18/9 I was babysitting regularly on a Sat night and I started watching. Just showing how old me and the series are, this was before there were videos in every home, so I had to be in front of a TV at 11 pm to see it and it got to the point where when I wasn't babysitting, I wished I was! So that lasted a couple of years and then I stopped, as you do.
When we moved to London, I was lonely and homesick and one day in the laundromat I heard these familiar voices... and it was Knot's landing, years on. The series had stopped by then, but these were episodes I hadn't seen. There were video's by then, but it was on at 3 pm on a Monday (I still remember!) and most Monday's found me sitting before the TV. That went on for 3 years, and luckily I was home one day and saw the final episode, with no warning, and it was all over. One of my little fantasies about coming to America was to see if I could catch it on one of the one hundred channels here, but no, it's on a specialist soaps cable that we don't get. But I still have fond feelings for it. And there was this femminist intellectual, interviewing one of the actresses from Knot's Landing, Donna Mills, who played the villianess, Abby. I loved Abby's machinations but it was so funny to read this glowing and overly intellectualised interpretation of the character, her clothes, and her make up. There wasn't enough about the show, but it amused me to think that there are other people out there, with my perculiar obsessions, who would also be happy to read the article (then again, it might just be the commisioning editor, Camilla and me...)
Other than that we are all well. A slew of visitors are coming right now, I've had both my sisters and lovely friends from London arrive on Friday night for a long weekend. Then H's parents come for 2 weeks.
Second Confession
I am not looking forward to having my in-laws here for 2 weeks. I know, I know. H has already told me that I have had both my sister's here for a fortnight each. But when his parents come, H will be in full swing of work. He will see them for maybe an hour a day. And I work part time, which means that everyone, including H, will expect me to amuse them for the rest of the time. It was ok when I thought they were going to stay in a hotel (as originally discussed) but that is way too expensive and now they are staying with us. I really don't want it. I'm feeling very ambivalent about them and when they are around bj goes crazy with being spoilt and playing 3 way splits. I wish I could go away for that period! Well, I will survive it, but I am not being very gracious about it. I told H that of course he had the right to invite his parents over, but I have the right not to look forward to it, and we've left it at that. The problem is he forgets how crazy they are, and then freaks out when he has to live with them. I wish we could put them up in a hotel. I would consider it money well spent. But they would be offended after both my sister's stayed with us, and they pay particular attention to such things.
Clearly I need to blog again, I'm going on forever today. I will fight the evil book worm and come back regularly, I promise!
I'm back...
I had a confession to make, which I've actually already made, but the computer ate it. Hate how my blogs are disappearing before I manage to post them, but that is another topic. I guess I'll just have to confess once more. I've been back for a week. My younger sister was with me in NY but that is not what prevented me from blogging. The truth is that I have discovered a new addiction, and neither teasing, housework or even physical pain will stop me. I play this internet game called bookworm. In the beginning I was happy to get to 200,000 before crashing out, but now I'm up to 4,302,140 and going. I can't seem to stop even when I want to. It's getting boring, my back aches, and still I play. It is a true addiction. But I am fighting it and with the help of friends and family I am sure that I can regain my self respect and start over (then again, I might make it to 5 million. Five million, who can resist trying??) The game is a mixture of scrabble and crosswords and just suits my skills. I can become a professional bookwormer. I wonder what that would pay. Would anyone pay me to play it? Sigh... reality will come soon enough but in the meantime I am barely cooking and only occassionally doing the wash. H feels neglected but the points are racking up there.
Onto other trivialities. Star Trek Voyager is no longer screening on my TV and I'm not sure why, but I wish the programmers would get their act together. And thinking about TV, I read this classy magazine called Interview, where celebs interview each other (and basically show why they are celebs and not journalists, because they don't listen to each other!) but camilla paglia, who is an interesting person in hew own right, not that I ever agree with her, but she's fun to disagree with, well she interviews an old favourite of mine from Knot's Landing.
Anyone here ever watch it? I have this strange relationship with it and I think I am the only person in Australia to ever see it. It used to screen at 11 pm on a Saturday night, obviously the crowd pleasing time! But when I was 18/9 I was babysitting regularly on a Sat night and I started watching. Just showing how old me and the series are, this was before there were videos in every home, so I had to be in front of a TV at 11 pm to see it and it got to the point where when I wasn't babysitting, I wished I was! So that lasted a couple of years and then I stopped, as you do.
When we moved to London, I was lonely and homesick and one day in the laundromat I heard these familiar voices... and it was Knot's landing, years on. The series had stopped by then, but these were episodes I hadn't seen. There were video's by then, but it was on at 3 pm on a Monday (I still remember!) and most Monday's found me sitting before the TV. That went on for 3 years, and luckily I was home one day and saw the final episode, with no warning, and it was all over. One of my little fantasies about coming to America was to see if I could catch it on one of the one hundred channels here, but no, it's on a specialist soaps cable that we don't get. But I still have fond feelings for it. And there was this femminist intellectual, interviewing one of the actresses from Knot's Landing, Donna Mills, who played the villianess, Abby. I loved Abby's machinations but it was so funny to read this glowing and overly intellectualised interpretation of the character, her clothes, and her make up. There wasn't enough about the show, but it amused me to think that there are other people out there, with my perculiar obsessions, who would also be happy to read the article (then again, it might just be the commisioning editor, Camilla and me...)
Other than that we are all well. A slew of visitors are coming right now, I've had both my sisters and lovely friends from London arrive on Friday night for a long weekend. Then H's parents come for 2 weeks.
Second Confession
I am not looking forward to having my in-laws here for 2 weeks. I know, I know. H has already told me that I have had both my sister's here for a fortnight each. But when his parents come, H will be in full swing of work. He will see them for maybe an hour a day. And I work part time, which means that everyone, including H, will expect me to amuse them for the rest of the time. It was ok when I thought they were going to stay in a hotel (as originally discussed) but that is way too expensive and now they are staying with us. I really don't want it. I'm feeling very ambivalent about them and when they are around bj goes crazy with being spoilt and playing 3 way splits. I wish I could go away for that period! Well, I will survive it, but I am not being very gracious about it. I told H that of course he had the right to invite his parents over, but I have the right not to look forward to it, and we've left it at that. The problem is he forgets how crazy they are, and then freaks out when he has to live with them. I wish we could put them up in a hotel. I would consider it money well spent. But they would be offended after both my sister's stayed with us, and they pay particular attention to such things.
Clearly I need to blog again, I'm going on forever today. I will fight the evil book worm and come back regularly, I promise!
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