up, up and away
bj woke up at 6 am all excited. We leave for San Francisco today. Reunited with H and my younger sister who is flying out from Sydney to be with us. I'm looking forward to being with my sister but in all honesty feel ambivalent about being with H. It's been 5 weeks and we've survived pretty well without him, and he has not been good with his communication. Well, we shall see.
I might not be able to blog from there (the horror, the horror... :-) ) and if I can't, you won't hear from me for 9 days or so, but I shall return. And if I can, I shall blog en route.
Take Care,
Thursday, October 10, 2002
bj has learnt a new word, 'allegeric', as in, some kids can't eat peanut butter because they are allergic to nuts, which he has translated to, I can't have a bath because I am allergic to baths... hmm...
I don't think I can cope with all the excitement. This e-bay bidding is just too much! Did however manage to score a nice pair of jeans. I've just paid for them. So that's good. Then bid $7.00 on a book before I figured out that I had got it wrong and had actually read that book already. Thankfully all I did was up someone else's proxy but you've got to be careful, it's too easy to do.
Won't bore you anymore with e-bay stuff, I'm sure there are blogs devoted soley to it, or perhaps chat rooms...
Went and had a massage and my back is much,. much better. I'm much happier. bj is refusing any sensible dinner and wants to eat only olives. He eats no protein at all. I really don't know how he grows! Sometimes it drives me crazy. He could live on chips and donuts and the occassional slice of apple. Well, I forced him to have some sushi (which he loves) before the olives, just to get something vaguely healthy down him.
I don't think I can cope with all the excitement. This e-bay bidding is just too much! Did however manage to score a nice pair of jeans. I've just paid for them. So that's good. Then bid $7.00 on a book before I figured out that I had got it wrong and had actually read that book already. Thankfully all I did was up someone else's proxy but you've got to be careful, it's too easy to do.
Won't bore you anymore with e-bay stuff, I'm sure there are blogs devoted soley to it, or perhaps chat rooms...
Went and had a massage and my back is much,. much better. I'm much happier. bj is refusing any sensible dinner and wants to eat only olives. He eats no protein at all. I really don't know how he grows! Sometimes it drives me crazy. He could live on chips and donuts and the occassional slice of apple. Well, I forced him to have some sushi (which he loves) before the olives, just to get something vaguely healthy down him.
Bad, Sad News
You know something, I love Australia. I am first generation, my parents were migrants who didn't speak the language, came out in 1960 when, as my mother informs me, you could not get a decent cup of coffee for love or money. Now Sydney is really a world class city, cosmopolitan, fantastic coffee, beautiful beaches. It's the lucky country, or at least it was for me and my family. So when the australian government does such damaging things, saying it wants to protect our borders but acting with rigid inhumanity, it makes me feel ashamed.
I really am so lucky. I live in a different world to the clients I see, I live in a world where the police smile kindly on me as I walk bj to the park. I also live in a world where my parents filled out all the paper work, and were legal migrants. I don't know how long they waited in line, but I do know that they applied to Canada and America as well and Australia responded first and so off they went.
There are people who perhaps couldn't wait in line, whose need was more desperate, or indeed, whose motives are suspect. I'm not totally naive. I think that you should look very carefully at people who arrive without papers and without invitation. But if a woman arrives in a country, has a child by an Australian citizen, then she and the child ought to be able to stay. To seperate the mother and child, deporting the mother but keeping the child, it just seems.. well inhuman to me.
I'm quite upset about it. I just think what would I do if it were me... I would go mad. To be seperated from bj in that manner. Just thinking about it spins me out. How can the politicians think that this is a good enough solution? Don't they have children?
You know something, I love Australia. I am first generation, my parents were migrants who didn't speak the language, came out in 1960 when, as my mother informs me, you could not get a decent cup of coffee for love or money. Now Sydney is really a world class city, cosmopolitan, fantastic coffee, beautiful beaches. It's the lucky country, or at least it was for me and my family. So when the australian government does such damaging things, saying it wants to protect our borders but acting with rigid inhumanity, it makes me feel ashamed.
I really am so lucky. I live in a different world to the clients I see, I live in a world where the police smile kindly on me as I walk bj to the park. I also live in a world where my parents filled out all the paper work, and were legal migrants. I don't know how long they waited in line, but I do know that they applied to Canada and America as well and Australia responded first and so off they went.
There are people who perhaps couldn't wait in line, whose need was more desperate, or indeed, whose motives are suspect. I'm not totally naive. I think that you should look very carefully at people who arrive without papers and without invitation. But if a woman arrives in a country, has a child by an Australian citizen, then she and the child ought to be able to stay. To seperate the mother and child, deporting the mother but keeping the child, it just seems.. well inhuman to me.
I'm quite upset about it. I just think what would I do if it were me... I would go mad. To be seperated from bj in that manner. Just thinking about it spins me out. How can the politicians think that this is a good enough solution? Don't they have children?
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
my back is still hurting and it's been days now... not used to back pain and certainly don't want to encourage it to stay!
odd day... had 2 meetings this morning, once unexpectedly good and the other unexpectedly bad. The school had an obscurely written invitation to meet 'bruce' no other information given. So I decided to go along and actually met with a very competent child psychologist. Always like talking to people who know their stuff. They were talking about 9/11. The school was hugely impacted, it is 2 blocks up from the World Trade Centre, and aside from the terror of the day, the school itself was closed until February, with children 'fostered' out to other schools. So it's an enormous issue for them. But he handled it very sensitively and appropriately. He also talked about more common 5 year old fears and behaviours and I would certainly go again.
The mothers spoke about what I think of as an Amercian fear of abduction and that the child must be in sight at all times. I don't always know where bj is when we are at the park. I mean I know in which general direction he went, but kids run back and forth and hide and climb. I definitely do not keep my eye on him continuously. I find that parents hover too much. They don't let the kids have any freedom, even the freedom to fall down and then get up again. How can you develop judgement if you never have to use it?
The second meeting was odd because I met a woman of my age, my sort of education level, of a very similar background, and without sounding arrogant, she is the sort of person I should like, who should like me. But talking to her was like wading through treacle. Everyone second sentence petered out into silence. It was odd. I kept thinking, it should go more smoothly, but somehow we kept falling into conversational dead ends. Sometimes it's me and my energy is all wrong, but I was in a good mood, and happy to chat. Then met with another aquantance and had nothing to say to her either (but that is a more familiar problem with her and I) And yet when I went to work, I find it effortless to talk to the clients there. They have perplexing lives but I don't feel like our conversation is falling down a well. Now I have more in common with the 'bad boys' than with the 'good women'. Well... that sounds about right.
odd day... had 2 meetings this morning, once unexpectedly good and the other unexpectedly bad. The school had an obscurely written invitation to meet 'bruce' no other information given. So I decided to go along and actually met with a very competent child psychologist. Always like talking to people who know their stuff. They were talking about 9/11. The school was hugely impacted, it is 2 blocks up from the World Trade Centre, and aside from the terror of the day, the school itself was closed until February, with children 'fostered' out to other schools. So it's an enormous issue for them. But he handled it very sensitively and appropriately. He also talked about more common 5 year old fears and behaviours and I would certainly go again.
The mothers spoke about what I think of as an Amercian fear of abduction and that the child must be in sight at all times. I don't always know where bj is when we are at the park. I mean I know in which general direction he went, but kids run back and forth and hide and climb. I definitely do not keep my eye on him continuously. I find that parents hover too much. They don't let the kids have any freedom, even the freedom to fall down and then get up again. How can you develop judgement if you never have to use it?
The second meeting was odd because I met a woman of my age, my sort of education level, of a very similar background, and without sounding arrogant, she is the sort of person I should like, who should like me. But talking to her was like wading through treacle. Everyone second sentence petered out into silence. It was odd. I kept thinking, it should go more smoothly, but somehow we kept falling into conversational dead ends. Sometimes it's me and my energy is all wrong, but I was in a good mood, and happy to chat. Then met with another aquantance and had nothing to say to her either (but that is a more familiar problem with her and I) And yet when I went to work, I find it effortless to talk to the clients there. They have perplexing lives but I don't feel like our conversation is falling down a well. Now I have more in common with the 'bad boys' than with the 'good women'. Well... that sounds about right.
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
ever have that sort of out of body experience where you are blog surfing and clicking away, and all of a sudden come back to your own site and read it like it belongs to someone else, it doesn't sound like you, or it sounds like someone you would like to meet, but you get this kind of outside glimpse of yourself... no? well, I do, did, whatever.
I think I would like to meet me, but I also think I am unhappier than I am willing to admit. There is cheerful stuff here, but the marriage is clearly not good. H rang me for my birthday and then hung up mid chat because a work mate asked him something and then never called back and I'm not even raging. I'm just over it. I watch the Sopranos, and think that Tony and Carm's marriage reflects my own. (lovely analogy, I know, but that is one of the reasons I think the series is so spectacular, the relationships are real.) She's suddenly energised by Furio and he's standing at a party, talking to his work associates, not even seeing her, and then clumsily giving gifts which are sexy but not her, and not giving her something she really worries about which is estate planning. H also refuses to write a will. Don't get me started. She is like his hobby and he is meant to be her entire life. And they have this history and this quiet affection. They are used to each other and have a life together but he doesn't really see her. You see, it is just like my marriage. Maybe I should wait to the end of the season before deciding what to do... watch them act it out for me.
Lovely chilly morning, I like this time of year.
I think I would like to meet me, but I also think I am unhappier than I am willing to admit. There is cheerful stuff here, but the marriage is clearly not good. H rang me for my birthday and then hung up mid chat because a work mate asked him something and then never called back and I'm not even raging. I'm just over it. I watch the Sopranos, and think that Tony and Carm's marriage reflects my own. (lovely analogy, I know, but that is one of the reasons I think the series is so spectacular, the relationships are real.) She's suddenly energised by Furio and he's standing at a party, talking to his work associates, not even seeing her, and then clumsily giving gifts which are sexy but not her, and not giving her something she really worries about which is estate planning. H also refuses to write a will. Don't get me started. She is like his hobby and he is meant to be her entire life. And they have this history and this quiet affection. They are used to each other and have a life together but he doesn't really see her. You see, it is just like my marriage. Maybe I should wait to the end of the season before deciding what to do... watch them act it out for me.
Lovely chilly morning, I like this time of year.
Monday, October 07, 2002
Had a weird computer experience. Couldn't get any emails again, and the recommendation was to disable all my cookies because they thought a corrupt cookie might be at fault (cookie is a weird name for it... why cookie? To sound friendly and homelike? To sound eadible? ) so I did, disable all of them, and now I have to remember all my user-ids and passwords. I only have about 4 which I mix around but now I have to remember which is which... oh I just remembered all that ebay and pen-pal crap. growl. Oh well, 3 more hours of my life gone.
it's my birthday and I'll __________ if I want to,
now if I could only figure out what it is I want to do...
I'm tired, my back hurts and I don't want to go to gym. bj is giving me hugs and love and I feel like an adult in a good way, but I also feel tired and don't want to go to an awful cocktail party tonight full of people I don't know, a sort of extended work function. I've decided to cancel that and feel better. I'm just not in the mood.
I'm actually happy to be 39 though that feels like an awfully big number. I feel more adult. These 5 weeks without H have been good for me, though I don't necessarily eat better in his absence and can't pin that on him, but I can survive, quite successfully without him, and that is worth knowing. And he knows that he is less happy without us. Which is important for him to know. Coming to NY has been good for me, though difficult for my marriage. I've been with H for 17 years. He helped organise my 22nd birthday. Isn't that an amazing idea, that you can be the one person for that long... Feel like my age has gravitas or something... Decided to buy a proper piece of jewellry, as I don't own one other than my 2 rings (my engagement ring and my grandmother's engagement ring which I inherited.)
So that's today. I don't think I'm going to make it to a work out, my back really aches... but I might make it to the steam room.
now if I could only figure out what it is I want to do...
I'm tired, my back hurts and I don't want to go to gym. bj is giving me hugs and love and I feel like an adult in a good way, but I also feel tired and don't want to go to an awful cocktail party tonight full of people I don't know, a sort of extended work function. I've decided to cancel that and feel better. I'm just not in the mood.
I'm actually happy to be 39 though that feels like an awfully big number. I feel more adult. These 5 weeks without H have been good for me, though I don't necessarily eat better in his absence and can't pin that on him, but I can survive, quite successfully without him, and that is worth knowing. And he knows that he is less happy without us. Which is important for him to know. Coming to NY has been good for me, though difficult for my marriage. I've been with H for 17 years. He helped organise my 22nd birthday. Isn't that an amazing idea, that you can be the one person for that long... Feel like my age has gravitas or something... Decided to buy a proper piece of jewellry, as I don't own one other than my 2 rings (my engagement ring and my grandmother's engagement ring which I inherited.)
So that's today. I don't think I'm going to make it to a work out, my back really aches... but I might make it to the steam room.
Sunday, October 06, 2002
I have finally become part of American culture -
I have made my first bid on ebay. I found a perfect pair of jeans (gloria vanderbilt, classic cut stretch) but she makes so many damn varieties that macy's only stocked one, and didn't have any in any more colours... and then I found a pair on ebay, and I registered, and I bid on it, and who knows... maybe I'll even get it!
small pleasures.
It's a lovely blue skyed day and I'm off to shower and then to play in the park. Who knows... soon I may sell stuff on the net (or would that be taking it too far?)
I have made my first bid on ebay. I found a perfect pair of jeans (gloria vanderbilt, classic cut stretch) but she makes so many damn varieties that macy's only stocked one, and didn't have any in any more colours... and then I found a pair on ebay, and I registered, and I bid on it, and who knows... maybe I'll even get it!
small pleasures.
It's a lovely blue skyed day and I'm off to shower and then to play in the park. Who knows... soon I may sell stuff on the net (or would that be taking it too far?)
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