writing from a public computer for the first time and feeling nervous about security, must be very sure to sign out properly!

Having lots of thoughts and missing diarising them. All sorts of images and experiences. Drove down through washington dc - may be the nations capital, but like all planned cities, has a slightly boring feel to it. I loved smithsonian, who wouldn't, but it wasn't the sort of place I longed to live in! Family life was a bit tense as we got used to spending so much time together, but we have now eased much more. One of the functions of holidays I guess, to remind us why we like to spend time together.

Drove too much the first few days. Virginia Beach is just depressing. But then went to the Outer Banks. Met a philipino woman and her spoilt son there, and she was just idly telling me the story of her life when I realised that she had 2 children from a previous relationship that stayed in the Phillipines, and when I did the math, I looked at her and said, you're youngest would have been one when you left for America. And she nodded and said how she has worked 2 jobs, seven days a week for 12 years, in order to have enough to send money home. She cleans homes, works in the local store, finds the people 'some of them are friendly' implying that some are not. There was such a air of sadness about her. And it is one of the things we don't examine enough, how the Western culture, of working women, is supported by having nannies from third world countries, who have often left their own young children at home, in order to look after someone elses children, to be able to send money home. And this particular woman, her son was so indulged, and I wondered at that. The present child spoilt and talking to his mother in that tone that I hate, which I frequently here in the parks, demanding, autocratic. And the mother obeying. (My little boy does not get away with it, though he occassionally tries...) and the absent children, for whom she works two jobs to give some sort of financial comfort, but who don't know her. All this pyschobabble approach, my mother wasn't available, was consumed with work, with worry, with other men... how about she wasn't in the bloody country. There's an undercurrent of something rotten there, which makes me sad for her, sad for all her children.

Then we went to Beaufort which I have to say looks like an exceptionally pleasant place to live. It was so pretty, but also so human sized. New York is crazily big, all those towering buildings, all those people on top of each other. Beaufort is a town you can walk around (and the first town we found with actual sidewalks, so it was comfortable to walk around!) with no building higher than 3 stories. It felt human sized. I know New York isn't the place for me, as my soul shines to see these smaller, easier places. My husband looks at them and says 'boring small towns' but I look at them and think we could plant ourselves here, grow roots. New York doesn't feel like a 'roots' sort of place.

Had other interesting ideas, was thinking of them last night when I couldn't get to sleep, but time is running out. They charge an outrageous $1.00 for five minutes on line here, which is the most expensive rate I've come across, but I have so missed writing here, that I was willing to pay it, and then the man who was fixing the computer generously gave me his time, but I don't want to use it all. So I'll finish here. Next report will probably come from Sydney, around the 8th. I guess I'll have to take notes (in handwriting, shudder!) in the meantime.

Getting browner, but not leaner...

Had interesting thoughts about anxiety, I'll just remind myself to expound on them later.