Back in New York\
totally exhausted today. In a good mood but knackered. The 5 year old decided to wake up at 5 am, not an acceptable time, after I went reluctantly to sleep at 1.30am, jet lag playing havoc with us both. So now my eyes are burning, and I am so not interested in cooking dinner.
But I am happier. The warmth helps, it makes New York feel more welcoming. We had a lovely evening the other night. I took BJ to the movies, we went and saw Lilo and Stitch. He was mature and interested and I cried through out. I had to hold his small hand for comfort. The terror of leaving our children orphans, what it means to be family, how we try to construct safety and how flimsy it can all feel. All in glorious water colours. BJ (constantly writing the 5 year old was taking too long so I've shrunk him down to initials) liked it, but said he liked the aliens best, because of their rocket ships. I loved it, for the sister's struggle. I will definitely buy the DVD. Anyways, afterwards, we went to union square (we were there anyway, to see the movie) and had the most lovely evening. The dusk was long and soft, there were dogs and squirrels to talk to, and then we found the dedicated and fenced children's areas where both of us could relax in the gentle evening air. I made my husband come and join us after his work and we had a genuine New York evening. BJ found a friend and learnt a new skill at the climbing bars (okay so it invovled falling on his head, but it was a controlled fall) He was like at schnitzel at the end, totally covered in a soft film of sand.
And returning is easier than arriving. Our house is familiar, I know how to get around, I know people to call. I called my volunteer work and they were excited to hear from me. The groups start next week. I feel ready and excited about that. We are here to December, the end is sight and it I know the time will fly.
reread the most wonderful link, a fierce and caustic romance reviewer
who just makes me laugh. She said evil but correct things about Linda Howard who is one of my favourite authors, or she used to be but her last few books really disappointed. She's great at sex and really rotten at suspense but thinks that her thriller aspects work. I don't. Then again I am a member of a small minority as her fame just grows and grows. And then I meet the wonderful Mrs Giggles who just slaughters her and I love it. Mrs Giggles comes from Singapore and breaks down any prejudices about Singaporeans whom I somehow thought of as quiet and respectful (obviously a whole race can't be quiet and respectful, but they present such an image of diligence and compliance) but Mrs G is raucous and irreverant, and yet, also a serious critic of romance. I mean she reads them all and she expects a plot that works and heros/heroines that are not cliche. She is harsher than me, but I like her expectations. I hate being condescended to, as publishers think we couldn't possibly cope with anything outside the box. Then again, romances have shifted a lot in the 20 years I have been reading them. Anyone remember Barbra Cartland? What a scary woman/writer she was! At least we've left the fluttering virginal heroine.
This rant has woken me up somewhat. So off to make pasta for dinner. I'm trying for fish 2 - 3 times p/w which is a real effort as I don't really like fish very much. Then again, I eat less of it. So that's a plus.
I realise that I haven't said something that would be immediately obvious if we met IRL. I thought about once and wrote a detailed passage in my mind as I was going to sleep, but someone it never leapt into the page here. I am heavily overweight. 230 pounds at last count. It used to be that I would die before I would admit my weight - as if you couldn't guess when we met!!- guess I'm over that denial, but still like to pretend I carry it well. Which I kind of do, but of course you can't carry that much weight well, as any photograph will reveal. I want to lose weight. I am going to go to a nutritionist next week. I'm tired of it. As I lug around BJ, who is a tiny 39 pounds and think how heavy he is, and how much weight I am carrying and how it would be to not carry that 39 pounds around every day, and loose more after that, but we've got to start with smaller figures otherwise it all gets too hard and you stop before you begin. So I'm aiming for modest 10 pound lots. I will loose 10 pounds and then worry about the next ten and so on.
Off to make my low fat tuna pasta
