had a nice lunch with a good friend. We talked about the meaning of life (always a good topic) He had spent the past week with his in-laws extended family and a new baby and watching all the dynamics that go along with a new baby. The mother, according to him, is high maintanence and complaining about the lack of support. And I remembered the realy days with bj and how we decided that a ratio of 3 adults to one small infant was the perfect ratio. And even with 3 adults, it was a good day if we were all dressed and ready to leave the house by 11am.

I said to him that if you let it, nothing will make you grow as a human, face your foibles, and stretch like a child can. And in the early days it is all about the illusion of competence and control, and how, of course, you actually have none. All of a sudden your life does not revolve around you and your needs but around this small person instead, whose needs are often incomprehensible to both you and the baby itself. But I was so lucky in that bj was a really calm baby, but he was a really calm baby because for the first 3 months of his life, he was always being held. He slept in our room (not in our bed, but at the foot of the bed) and we just had him on someone's body all the time. And it was a good time.

Now bj isn't so into cuddles, he's more squirmy and squiggly. He will only cuddle when we read a book to him at bedtime. Then he leans against me in this cuddly, comforting way. We are reading the Faraway Tree, by Enid Blyton, who is a very famous english children's author who is not at all known in the US. I actually had a friend bring in the book from London because it was so ridiculously expensive here. But it is a very sweet book, full of magic and adventures and bj loves it. And he leans against me in this sweet way, as we read through a chapter a night. Funny how reading is now a solitary experience whereas in the beginning it is such a shared one.

I've got a bit of a cold and am very tired. Thank God H cancelled our evening out. We've been out twice this week already and both were really late nights and I didn't want to seem ungrateful but I really didn't want to go out tonight. So it's home and an early night for us. :-)

I'm not going to let myself play bookworm again!! It's just too good a waste of time. But let me have one last brag - I got to 2,180.320, rank of super dictionarian, and my best word was dodgy which scored me 6,120 points (3 gold tiles and it also got me 50,000 bonus points)

but no more!!

I'm off to a ball tonight, the Tribeca Ball to be precise. Haven't been to a ball in years. The best thing - I parcelled out bj to sleep with friends (very exciting, and on a school night!) and so we can go out and I get to sleep in tomorrow. YAY.

Still faffing around. I started writing again, a romance, but I'm not driven about it. Like Hugh Grant (just read an article about him in Vanity Fair, which as a magazine is going down hill at an alarming rate but usually manages one decent article per issue. My current favourite magazine is the Atlantic Monthly, always good value) Anyways, like Hugh Grant I am too much the dilettante. (I'm sure that is spelled incorrectly!) I'm too easily distracted and have no urgency about it. I'm going to have to make myself sit down and write at least 5 pages a day every day to get into the swing. I like what I've started with, and I like the two lovers, and I like the time period - Regency, Bath. If anyone knows where I can get a good map of Regency Bath on line, I would appreciate it.

fuck fuck fuck!!

I'm bored today, so I've just had a pleasant ramble on my blog but I managed to delete it and now it is lost forever in cyber space. Fuck again, I say.

Which reminds me, are any of you following The Wire on HBO? they have a scene there where 2 cops communicate with each other over a crime scene for what must be 3 minutes, only saying the word 'fuck'. Very funny, bound to be a classic. The series takes some getting used to, it took me 3 episodes before I got hooked and after the first two I still could have switched it off and never seen it again, but now I love it. Give it time and you might too.

A friend sent me one of those emails, about a dying child, and when I typed in the official sounding name on the bottom of it, into google, this is what I got. I wish people wouldn't make this stuff up. It's bad karma. I sent a reply all break the chain email, maybe I can start one of those: Dear X, you may have received this hoax email, please send this on to everyone you sent it to, the phone companies are monitoring it and will give 5 cents to no one for every email they don't receive. Or words to that affect.

I think this cold medicine is having an affect on me, I'm getting mean.

Anyways, I saw K-PAX on telly recently (which you would know if I hadn't managed to delete my earlier posting) and I still want to rave about Kevin Spacey because he just has something that works for me. I think he's one of the sexiest men in hollywood and don't know why he isn't taking roles which exploit it more. So, now I'm sitting here smiling, thinking about Kevin Spacey in sexy film roles. Well, it's one way to spend a SNOWY monday in Spring. Will the cold never stop!!! Well, I will, even if it won't. have a good one,

stranger.